Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
