Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
