Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well you can't waste a boner
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
