Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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