I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
