Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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