I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
