whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
