I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
