My liver just broke up with me...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
