i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize