Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
