Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They took my balls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
