i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
