Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
