And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
