I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
