im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.