I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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