Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"