All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"