I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Some milfs here doing some blow
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow