Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Banned from zoo.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying