I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
