Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
