Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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