I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
