can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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