Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
