i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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