he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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