I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
