so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
