I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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