I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
