i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
