i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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