I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
