I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
