If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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