So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
