i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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