If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
