Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
