Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
