highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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