I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
