it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
