It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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