I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
