Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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