I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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