I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You need Xanax blowdarts
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
