You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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