i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
