shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
