I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
