he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize