I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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