you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
