I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I deserve this hangover.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
