your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
