He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Everyone says I win the strip club
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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