I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
