If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
