Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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