id be glad to
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.