I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night