I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company