Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.