Little spoons don't ask big questions
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
