Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize