I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
